I’ve been wracking my brain a bit to figure out what I should write about. It’s the reason I’m a few days behind on my post…
You see my birthday was this last weekend, and that’s the most obvious thing to write about. But what way should I look at it in order to do a creative writing piece? Should I write about how fun it is to feel special? Should I write about all the great things that happened during the weekend? Or how humbling it is when others come together and actually celebrate your life?
Ok, I’m going to choose the later. It’s such a big concept. My life was actually celebrated. People joined together on more than one occasion to honor me. A good part of me wonders why on earth I am worthy of such a fuss. Worthy of others time, energy…gifts! I really don’t see how! I don’t feel like I do nearly enough for others, that I am in debt to my friends and family already for all the gifts they’ve given me- gifts of service, of supportive encouragement, gifts of material sort…
The thing is, I don’t always feel that way. There are actually times where I just know I deserve more than what I have, than what I’m getting… Yuck. I guess I really can be that prideful. I know I’m human and it’s normal to feel that way sometimes. But it’s ugly. I hate looking back and remembering how I’ve complained, how I expected someone to do something more or differently. There is not one particular incident I’m thinking of, but a mindset that I get in at times, particuarly when I’m with my spouse.
But then things like an awesome birthday happen and I remember that I am loved and cared for so much more than I deserve.
I am so blessed to have the husband I do. I’m blessed by my kids. I’m blessed to have the amazing friends that are ever-present in my life. And for the family that helped create my foundation. Hopefully I can grasp onto that feeling that I had over the weekend and hold onto it. Maybe recall it when I start to get those thoughts about how unjust the world is to me. To remember that I am SO well taken care of and loved. To think anything differently is just prideful arrogance.
In conclusion- thank you world for celebrating and acknowledging my existence! For caring about this sinful little woman trying her best to do life right! God knows I need every bit of the support, encouragement and love I can get.