So, I spent the good part of my morning wondering what other people think of me.
Wondering if they don’t like me. Wondering if so and so said that because they think I think this.
I remember the times I’ve hung out with a group and wonder if I said the wrong things… If I may have been misunderstood- or if I sounded like a know-it-all…
And then when something someone does bothers me, it goes round and round in my head.
I mean really, what right do I have to get upset? Sometimes I take things far to personal.
Maybe I’m noticing this more now than before because I’m reading a little bit about taking your thoughts captive. Um- this is a hard thing to do.
2 Corinthians 10:5 “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Ok- really? How practical is that?
Max Lucado talks about imagining a guard at the entrance of our heart, and when a thought comes along and wants to enter, than the guard drags it over to the courthouse and presents it to the judge. Jesus. If Jesus approves than let em in. If not send em packing.
We woman, we’ve got a whole lot of thoughts going on in these minds of ours. Stopping EVERY one of them seems a little impractical. Sitting down everytime we have a uneasy, or questionable thought and opening up the Bible- that could take a lot of time out of our day. I mean it would be so much more practical to just pick up the phone while we’re wiping the table, or swiching the laundry to hear an audible voice validate our feelings/thoughts.
This morning I had to fight my hands from picking up the phone to ask a friend if my feelings were valid. But I did stop them. By making a phone call it would only escalate the problem. Even if my feelings were validated, I’d only be fueling the prideful thought growth.
That growth started out with a “how dare they” thought. Like I had been wronged in a big way. Then a pondering on how they think of me. Had I offended them? Had I stepped over a line somewhere? Then the hundreds of thoughts disecting every conversation, wonderings of what they may have interperted from me or discussed about me behind my back…
That’s when I realized how prideful I am. How in the world could I be thinking about myself so much! And so passionately! I mean it may not have all been boastful, but the excessive amount of dwelling on myself can only point to pride.
OH Lordy Lord. That’s when you know that somewhere the start of that growth needs to be pulled. Like a weed that took root… that you want to stop before it becomes an overgrowth that distroys a whole relationship. And its all mumbo jumbo. Imaginings and ponderings that take over the mind and translate into all these feelings that really just need to be taken to the judge and told to go away.
Cause really- I don’t have the strength to stop it. In my flesh I am so stinking weak. I really do need the power of the Holy Spirit to pull the root of those thoughts over to the judge, the power of that judge to banish them and His truth to wash over me so that none of the spores that weed had can take root again. Lord knows I don’t want to go through that ordeal again.
Ok- the ramblings of my silly pride is done. For now.
Can you relate?