I act before I think…

Do you ever look back on moments in your life and wonder “What was I thinking!,” and you get this overwhelming cloudy feeling in your heart which makes your chin gravitate to your chest and you start shaking your head to make the thought go away? 

Ya- me too. 

Granted most of those moments were created in the four years that embody High School- But they are definitely not confined there.  

I’ve tried to think of a way I could avoid creating these moments all together. I concluded that the only possible way for that to happen is to confine myself in a room that has no access to any other human. 

In order to have relationships (which are crucial to everybody’s well-being) we have to be somewhat vulnerable.  And with everybody being vulnerable and nobody being perfectly kind and compassionate, it’s impossible to escape giving and receiving a few wounds.

This thought process all stems from a recent even where I sent out a response to an email that bothered me.   I didn’t review my response before I hit the send button and I not only responded to the one who sent it- but copied others too!  Ohhh, spiteful and mean. 

Of course once I actually did sit down and read over what I wrote- it happened.  That feeling.   A cloudy heart with a sinking and shaking head.  I had sent out a prideful, selfish ranting letter- that completely misrepresented me.  Oh, it was hypocritical.  Anything that might have been valid was voided out because of all the nonsense with it. 

So then I had to go about mending the rift that I’d just made.  Thankfully  others were much quicker to let it go and forgive than I was.  I took me well over 24 hours to set the words I wrote and the feelings of  embarrassment  aside and focus on forging ahead. 

Augustine once said  “Trust the past to God’s mercy, the present to God’s love, and the future to God’s providence.”  I love it.  But it sure can be tough trusting the past to God’s mercy. I’m going to do my utmost to try. Goodness knows I need that mercy to cover a lot more of my life than a bad email.  

 “Mercy triumphs over judgment” James 2:13; “For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you…” Deuteronomy 4:31a

In effort to eliminate those moments that cause for such regret I call out and submit to God’s mercy.  It covers over so many parts of my day-to-day life.  Sooo,  join me as I put all of those moments behind me and forge ahead because “we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1)

0 thoughts on “I act before I think…”

  1. Someone recently told me that the purpose of relationships is not for our enjoyment, but rather for our growth. That means seeing an ugly side of ourselves sometimes. But that’s GOOD! Otherwise how would we know what needs to change? We are all prodding each other to be better people:) It’s just a question of how willing we are to look at ourselves instead of being critical of the other person, and it sounds like you are very willing.

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