No, really hear me out! This is great!
I was having such a hard time figuring out how to deal with my boys pushing and grabbing. OH, and hollering! The big boy always beating up the younger or taking something away making him scream. I tend to always want to side with the younger because he can’t defend himself, but by no means is he always right…
So I figured it out- I’m not going to make them share! I mean really, in the real world are they going to have to give up what they have to someone else just because they want it or because it’s another persons “turn?”
All right, picture this. I’m over at my neighbor Karissa’s house, who has great taste by the way, and she’s got this really cute coat that I’ve wanted – just hanging in her closet. She’s not using it, obviously, it’s just hanging there, so I take it. I reach in, take hold of it, and put in on before I leave. I say good-bye and feel great and confident in this super cute coat as I walk home. I mean she’s a good friend- she doesn’t mind sharing.
And then she’ll bitterly watch me walk off with her favorite… “toy.” Just see if she ever invites me over again! And I wonder what she’ll decide I need to share with her!
Um, no stinking way! I would never do that. Why? Because I respect Karissa and her things. Now, maybe if Karissa knew I liked her coat, and that I had a date with my husband that night, (ya-like that ever happens!) she just might let me borrow it for the evening. And what a sweet thing that would be! She would be stating that she trusted me, that she valued me and wanted to please me! That would make both of us feel great. She willingly gives up her right and chooses to give.
I want my boys to learn how to respect others and their things. They have to share a room, parents, a dinner table… how great if they decide to give up their toy for the other’s enjoyment. As an act of free will, choosing to share is a truly beautiful thing. And this way they will have more opportunities to do it!
And I’ll have less headaches! No more wondering what’s fair and who’s right. When violence occurs, I’ll take the toy away. If it’s a problem with a shared toy, like the huge tub of legos, I’ll split it in half; blue legos are Cooper’s and red are Tyler’s. And the law has been laid!
Nowww if a friend comes to play it’s a whole different blog. I don’t invite a friend over to cook and forbid her to use my pots and pans…
So there it is:
I don’t make my kids share.